How Andrew Smith (Probably) Saved My Life

This is a picture of Andrew Smith, my all time favorite author. Over the past weekend, I got to meet him, and it was one of the best experiences of my life. Now, you may be wondering why this guy is  not just my all time favorite author, but also one of my favorite people, and I am going to tell you all about it.

Two and a half years ago, I didn’t even know who this guy was, let alone that he wrote books. I was really big into BookTube, and even though I didn’t make videos, I loved being a part of the community. One day, I heard about Winger, and honestly I wasn’t really interested in the book. I had heard so many good things about it though that I had to read it, and I am so glad I did. Within five pages, I kid you not, it was my favorite book, and it still is today. Over the span of my life, I have read over 300 books, and I have never been more attached to a set of characters. Ryan Dean stole my heart from the minute I met him, and his story then shattered my heart into a million pieces. Yesterday, when Andrew Smith told me how his tragedy came to be, my heartbreak folded ten times over.

In the fall of 2014, I entered my freshman year of high school. For the past year, I had been in online school due to bullying at the middle school, but I felt that I was ready to go back. Within in a month, I was in the EBD room all day and didn’t talk to anyone except my teacher. I was about to fall into the first bit of a extreme depression that I am slowly just now getting out off. Then, there wasn’t any mention that I had bipolar disorder, even though it probably should’ve been brought up. Still, I had reasons to be in the state I was. I was losing more and more function of my body, and the kids I had been going to school with since the age of four had fully rejected me, and had told me to my face that I would never have any friends.

At this point, I was sleeping over 18 hours a day, and almost felt no joy in my life. That is, except the stories of Andrew Smith. Within three months, I had read Grasshopper Jungle, The Marbury Lense, Passenger, Ghost Medicine, A 100 Sideways Miles, The Alex Crow, and Stick. His characters fastly became not only my best friends, but my only friends. No matter how weird the stories got, they became to comfort me, and, it’s hard to explain, but gave me a feeling that just felt right.

At the end of my freshman year, I moved back to my hometown of Eugene, Oregon from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. As seen in a lot of people with bipolar disorder, the change ruined me. I honestly didn’t know how to handle myself, and I simply couldn’t control my moods. I was in this cloud on anger that I couldn’t get out of, and every relationship I had fell apart. That’s when my mom took my to the library, and I joined the book club. And guess what book they were reading: Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith. I couldn’t believe it. I loved coming in and talking about that book, and that day was when I met my best friend, Traci, who is the teen librarian.

Even though the book group was going well, my mental health was going into a deep hole. At this point, I had absolutely no control over my feeling, and I went from manic to depressive in a matter of hours. About a month into my sophomore year, I had been followed home from school and strangled by a schoolmate. I had ran home screaming, absolutely terrified and feeling dehumanized. I was numb. After I had made my statement to the police, I finally went into my room and sat with myself. I didn’t know what to do. I looked around, and there waiting was a package. A package that had Stand-Off, the sequel to Winger. I immediately started reading, and read very slowly. Ryan Dean was already my best friend, but now became my number one support system.

A few days later, A.S. King came to me library. I was a huge fan of hers, and was looking foward so much to meet her. Of course, I came to the event early, and A.S. King walked right up to the desk I was at and started talking to me. I was thrilled. I had mentioned that Andrew Smith was my favorite author, and she had told me that she was great friends with him, and I could not believe it. She totally talked to me all about him, and I thought it was so cool. I loved her talk, and I think she is amazing.

Fast forward to February ninth, and I was ready to end my life. It was the day before my birthday, and I was holding the overdose in my hands, ready to swallow. My mom had taken my to the ER, where I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and it made sense. I left the ER at seven o’clock at night, feeling empty inside. The next day, I went to school, pretending I was happy, when really I had just attempted to take my life.

I went from feeling an over amount of emotion to being on meds and feeling no emotion at all. I didn’t really read for months, and by the summer, I was finally starting to feel better. I rebuilt my relationship with my family, and school was going well. I was still in book group, and was feeling really good coming to the July meeting. When I got there, Traci had told me she had some news, and I immediately asked if Andrew Smith was coming. We had been talking a lot about how cool it would be to have him come, but she told me that he was not coming. I was so disappointed. Then, about 20 minutes later, she just threw out that Andrew Smith was coming. I may or may not have screamed with jou.

That night, Andrew Smith followed and tweeted me on Twitter, and I was ecstatic. I mean, Andrew Smith was talking to me! I went back to the books after that, and re-read Grasshopper Jungle and read In the Path of Falling Objects. My love for Grasshopper Jungle doubled, and it’s now probably my favorite book of all time.

Last month, school started again, and I was super excited. I felt like I finally had friends, and that it was going to be great. It was the opposite. In the first week, I was harassed several times, and my “friends” had disappeared. I was back to crying every day. In the second week, my parents pulled me from school, and I was heartbroken. So, I read A 100 Miles Sideways. It felt so good to read about a character with a disability, and it brought me back the good feeling I needed.

I’ll admit, I’ve been really sad the last month, and honestly, the thought that Andrew Smith was coming kept me positive. A couple days before Andrew Smith came, Traci emailed me and asked if I wanted to pick him up at the airport. Obviously, I said yes. When I got to the airport, I was beyond nervous. I mean, I was meeting the guy the wrote up my best friends. I was there sitting with Traci, when Andrew Smith came up to us and shook my hand. I honestly didn’t know what to say, so we talked about airports. The airports in Arizona, in Milwaukee, in Chicago, and everywhere else. I didn’t even want to talk about his books, I just wanted to small talk with him, because I think he has an amazing mind.

The next day, I showed up two hours early to the library to his event. I was so excited! He also showed up about an hour early, and came up to talk to Traci, I, and a friends of ours. We talked about movies, books, and politics. About 20 minutes beforehand, I had said I was going up to get my seat, and he came up and sat next to me. I got to have the most genuine conversation with him, and I got to tell him how much his books meant to me.

I LOVED hearing him talk. It was so cool hearing about all the back stories of his books, and it made me love them so much more. He could honestly write a grocery list and I would love it. When I came up to him to sign my books, he gave me a postcard that means the world to me, and is now framed on my desk. He signed everyone one of my books and a poster, which is on my wall. He also called me a badass.

Later that night, Andrew told me on Twitter that I rocked, and honestly, it was the greatest compliment ever. Now, Andrew Smith is back in California and the event is over, but to me, it will never be over. I am reading The Marbury Lense again, and I am replaying the conversation I had with him over and over. I am still sad about a lot of things in my life, but I always have his books and his compliments to help me, and help me remember how far I’ve come.

So, thank you, Andrew Smith, for saving my life.